Archive for September, 2009

I Am Really Liking Mike Ross, and I Am Thinking of Moving to Arkansas

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

We did a follow up interview with Congressman Mike Ross about his support of our views.  When we asked how he could support us so whole heartedly he replied, “It really comes down to the money.  I mean, really, I raised four dollars from PACs for every one dollar from individuals, so the medical and insurance business has ponied up big time.  My constituents are so damn stupid that I don’t have to worry about elections any more.  Fuck, it has been some time since I’ve had a challenger in the primaries or general elections.  The thing I have to worry about is getting money.  My real constituents are the ones that pay for my campaign.  Why the hell do I care about a bunch of poor fucks.  4 to fucking 1 from the PACs.”

He went on to explain, “I can’t keep all of that money though.  We had to figure out a way that I could keep some money so I sold my shit hole pharmacy and my skank ass wife with it for a few years and got about a million seven hundred for it.  Not a bad return for a few votes and a hundred grand investment.  Hell, the appraisers only had it valued at 200K.  I’m a fucking genius when it comes to business.”

Any way, I’m not just thinking of moving to Arkansas because of the sweet deals in real estate.  I’ve heard that they have shit loads of really hot hillbilly chicks, dumb as rocks and poor as fuck.  I figure I could wave around a few bucks and be permanently laid for next to nothing.  I’m not saying that I’d give up the penthouse, but I wouldn’t have to talk about it and no one down there would be the wiser.

We Have Decided That We Like Some Democrats and We Support Health Care Reform

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

Max Bacchus is ready to milk the cow.

I love it when a plan comes together.  We were able to get a plan together through the Finance Committee.  This plan would make it mandatory for everyone to purchase insurance and would subsidize some people  that can’t afford it.  Can we all say together, “Cha Ching.”  This would force lots of poor people to give their money to rich people, and when we bleed them dry then the government will kick in, insuring high returns.  (We have gone over this before, rich people know how to deal with money and poor people don’t.)  Sen. Max Bacchus has synchronized a deal with the White House and with Republicans, even though no Republican will have to vote for it, that gives everyone what they want without us having to lose face.  I wish he had tits.  I’d let him hang around a while longer.

I saw this commercial and I just have to say that I love Blanch Lincoln.  When we contacted her she said, “I know that Blue Cross and Blue Shield have an 89% monopoly control over health care in our State and that we created an anti-trust exemption for them so other companies couldn’t compete, but when was the last time you saw a bunch of hoboes or poor sustainance farmers contribute $900,000 to a campaign–That is Nine Hundred Fucking K’s.  Get a fucking clue.”  I like her politics, but I don’t like her boobs.

Mike Ross told us, “Man, you wouldn’t fucking believe how much money they gave me.  I mean, fuck man, you would not fucking believe.  My constituency is the stupidest on the fucking planet.  They are a bunch of dumb asses with shit jobs and no experience.  My district is so Gerrymandered that I could never lose.  Who the hell cares about their worthless asses.  I got mine.  If they want some then they should run their stupid asses for Congress and get some like I did.”

Mike Ross has boobs, but I don’t want to look at them.

Some of the guys and I are thinking about trying to push some “Petroleum Reform.”  We understand that people are using less of it and we want to make it mandatory so the price will “stabilize” like the insurance markets.

Glen Beck Easily Had 3 Million TeeBaggs at the Hoe Down in Washington

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

Real estimates are around 3 million if you use actual footage of our TeeBaggs party.  That doesn’t  look like it was just 70K like those socio-commies at the damn DC fire department said.  Hell, that is a crowd we marched on Washington.  I hope that commie pays attention to us, because we had the numbers, even if you don’t count the plain old tourists.  It is time for us to stand up and say to Washington that if this many of us showed up, then maybe it is time you paid attention to us.

We showed up in full force to tell Obama that his socialist crap is bullshit.  70 thousand, my ass!  We were in force.  It doesn’t take Glen Beck’s rocket scientist friends at that University in America to tell us that we raided that place with around 3 million.  If people don’t want to listen to TeeBaggs then they need to get a different career than politics.

I’ve Got an Idea That Could Get PETA, the SPCA, and the Damn Global Warming Idiots off Our Backs

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

Too bad she doesn’t say, “I’d rather show my fur, than this stupid rabbit,” or “I’d rather show my bush than work on this sucky show.”  Oh, well.

I was listening to the radio, and apparently we have a couple of problems in this country that involve animals.  We have to put millions of cats and dogs to sleep every year, and, because of the Obama recession, many formerly wealthy horse owners are having a hard time taking care of their horses.  To top it all off, we have a whole bunch of left wing nutsoes telling us what we can and can’t do with our animals.

Nobody wants the old nasty damn animals in the animal shelters and we are going to have to gas them any way, so, I propose that we fatten them up and sell them to the Asians.  That way nothing goes to waste.  We can use the fur for rich old lady coats, and the meat is a delicacy.  We make a shit load of money and eliminate a bunch of unnecessary government jobs.   In addition, we won’t need to kill near as many cute bunny rabbits, cows, or tortured sheep.  The dogs and cats are going to die any way, so how can the naked girls at PETA possibly lose.  This is a compromise situation that saves half of the animals.

Look, I know that Bo Derek really loves horses, but we have to come to some kind of compromise here also.  If we don’t sell our horse meat to those socialists in Old Europe then they are just going to get it some where else and many of those horses will just be grown for meat, and never be loved by Bo Derek at all.  Their lives will have been virtually meaningless compared to American horses.  Besides that, rich people could get money for their horses rather than the horses costing a whole bunch at the end.  Last I heard, Bo Derek is a Republican, so I should be able to reason with her.

This plan would also appease the global warming idiots.  We have less bunnies being killed for the naked girls of PETA.  We have more horses to love for Bo Derek.  And, all of this would mean less cows farting for the global warming idiots.  Every time an Asian or a European eats a cat, dog, or horse then it is that less much they eat in cow and tortured Aussie sheep.

The animals we want to sell them are already alive, so there is no waste.  We eliminate the socialist institution of animal control, creating lucrative jobs.  We have more horses for Bo Derek.  We save money for rich people.  We cut back on cow farts, and we make beef cheaper for Americans because the demand will decline.

We Need Wealth Care and We Need to End Our Socialist Institutions

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

These are my kind of people, and we should support them.  You will find them at WWW.BillionairesForWealthCare.com.  They make some very good points and can help you when you have to deal with liberals.

Some others on our side are the people at WWW.AngryTownHall.com.  They are on the front lines trying to end our socialist fire departments.  It is inherently unfair that public money is being used for projects that should be controlled by the private sector.

To Celebrate Labor Day We Took the Day Off and Made Dumb Poor Laborers Do the Work

Monday, September 7th, 2009

I love Labor Day.  Nothing says success like making some dumb schmuck  work on the day that celebrates him and his labor while you took a nice four day’r with all the frills.

What the hell do they need a damn day off for anyway.  If they don’t work then they don’t get paid, so really, a day off just hurts them.  If they could figure this out then they wouldn’t be poor anymore and they could go play golf all day like I did.

On Wednesday, I gotta get my ass back to the old grindstone.  I’ve gotta go out of town this weekend to meet up with an old friend and go sailing, so I’ll be cutting out early on Thursday.  I’ll say it again: I love Labor Day.