Archive for January, 2010

Just Because I Got on Facebook Does Not Make Me Gay

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

I didn’t want to do it, but there is just too much going on.  I know that I get in trouble with you guys when I take the jet out for a long weekend, and I hope that this helps me stay in touch while I’m scouting for some bald Republican bush between the waves.

I don’t have any friends yet, though I’ve only been on there for about three minutes and don’t have a fucking clue as to what I am doing.  I’m going to try to link here.  I’m not promising anything; I’m just going to try.  If this doesn’t work, I’m sure I can get some dork from downstairs to fix it for me.

Massachusetts Votes Against Dried Up Old Prunes

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Massachusetts has firmly spoken, with a 7% margin, that they don’t like old hags.  I hope that the rest of the country and the Republican Party  are paying attention.  If we can win Ted Kennedy’s seat, then we can win every where.

I present, the Senator from Massachusetts, who while being male, still looks a lot better than many females.

It makes perfect sense.  There is no way that Obama could have beaten McCain by 23 points in Massachusetts without this advantage.   I have to admit that Obama isn’t really a very attractive guy, but please, take a look at McCain.

I’m not saying that we need to run strippers or anything; I’m just saying we need to use a little more common sense.

To Help in Haiti, We Should Give Them Concealed Carry Permits

Sunday, January 17th, 2010

It would be a lot easier to use a hand gun, so people don’t see you coming.  It is going to decay into chaos down there and Haitians should be able to protect themselves like Americans do.  Any free loving place should have more guns, and guns are useful for many different purposes.

The Reason That God Smote Haiti Isn’t Because They Are Communists or Made a Deal with the Devil, but Because They Are French

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

Pat Robertson couldn’t be more right about the retribution of God in general, and the Haitians definitely made a deal with Satan to get out of slavery (which we all know that God allows the enslavement of foreigners and debtors, that is why slaves used to be black and are now Mexicans).  So getting out of slavery by making a deal with the devil is against the will of God, but that happened in 1804 and I think most people that were doing the liberating are dead now.  Haiti is also about 96% Christian, though I bet some people are lying about that and still worship Satan.

Rush said that the “poverty in Haiti is because of Communism.”  We all know that one of the ways that God punishes people is making them poor, so if God was already punishing them by making them poor then why not give them earthquakes.  We also know that poor black people are way more likely to be Communists than rich white people are, and Haiti is filled with poor black people.  Still, Haiti actually has a substantially less regulated economy and a much larger income disparity than the United States does.  So I don’t think that God smote them over that.

(I’m still really scared that Rush might be a homosexual, and it isn’t just because he won’t look at Linsay Lohan’s tits.  Click here for “I’m Really Scared That Rush Limbaugh Might Be a Homosexual.”)

The only possible answer is that the French loved their slaves the same way Thomas Jefferson did.  Not only did the Haitians mix their seed, they mixed it with the French and they even still speak French instead of English the way God intends.

Obama Offers Muslim Prayers for the Muslims in the Haiti Earthquake

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

We all know that Glen Beck is right about Obama being a racist, and Sara Palin is right to question whether or not Obama is an American.  But I can tell you that all Muslims pray for is Jihad and converting infidels.  So if Obama is praying for the Haitians then he is only praying for the blacks and the Muslims.  What about all the white people in Haiti, or the Christians?  They get prayed for by Hillary Clinton, who worships Beelzebub.

Why can’t we have Condi Rice any more.  She is a good Christian and not a Satanist lesbian or a Kenyan Muslim.  Besides that, she is hot.

Wouldn’t that be a nice job.  I could look at Condi’s cooch all day long, but ever since that restraining order they won’t let me work at her gym any more.

The Haitians would be a lot better off with her, instead of those evil bastards we have now.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid Called the Congressional Black Caucus “Nappy Headed Hoes”

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

I don’t know about you, but I find that highly racially insensitive.  It is time that we ignore the differences between the races and black people get satisfied with their station in life, just like the damn Mexicans have.  The Democrat party just thinks that they can stereotype people any time they want, but the hypocrites get all over our case every time we  endorse the Segregationists for president.