Elian Gonzalez Says That Penis Size Should Be Limited for Immigrants

Elian Gonzalez
I
n a recent report on cable news, Presidential candidate Elian Gonzalez says that the penis size of immigrants will be limited under his Presidency, and by Executive Order if necessary.

In a statement, just issued through a translator, Mr. Gonzalez says, “Penises may not be larger than yay big.” ┬áHe went on to insist that limiting penis size would make Americans feel much more exceptional than normal American exceptionalism usually instills.

It is not clear if Mr. Gonzalez was referring to length or girth, but as girth is not humanly possible, we presume he was referring to length.

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