Massachusetts Votes Against Dried Up Old Prunes

January 20th, 2010

Massachusetts has firmly spoken, with a 7% margin, that they don’t like old hags.  I hope that the rest of the country and the Republican Party  are paying attention.  If we can win Ted Kennedy’s seat, then we can win every where.

I present, the Senator from Massachusetts, who while being male, still looks a lot better than many females.

It makes perfect sense.  There is no way that Obama could have beaten McCain by 23 points in Massachusetts without this advantage.   I have to admit that Obama isn’t really a very attractive guy, but please, take a look at McCain.

I’m not saying that we need to run strippers or anything; I’m just saying we need to use a little more common sense.

To Help in Haiti, We Should Give Them Concealed Carry Permits

January 17th, 2010

It would be a lot easier to use a hand gun, so people don’t see you coming.  It is going to decay into chaos down there and Haitians should be able to protect themselves like Americans do.  Any free loving place should have more guns, and guns are useful for many different purposes.

The Reason That God Smote Haiti Isn’t Because They Are Communists or Made a Deal with the Devil, but Because They Are French

January 14th, 2010

Pat Robertson couldn’t be more right about the retribution of God in general, and the Haitians definitely made a deal with Satan to get out of slavery (which we all know that God allows the enslavement of foreigners and debtors, that is why slaves used to be black and are now Mexicans).  So getting out of slavery by making a deal with the devil is against the will of God, but that happened in 1804 and I think most people that were doing the liberating are dead now.  Haiti is also about 96% Christian, though I bet some people are lying about that and still worship Satan.

Rush said that the “poverty in Haiti is because of Communism.”  We all know that one of the ways that God punishes people is making them poor, so if God was already punishing them by making them poor then why not give them earthquakes.  We also know that poor black people are way more likely to be Communists than rich white people are, and Haiti is filled with poor black people.  Still, Haiti actually has a substantially less regulated economy and a much larger income disparity than the United States does.  So I don’t think that God smote them over that.

(I’m still really scared that Rush might be a homosexual, and it isn’t just because he won’t look at Linsay Lohan’s tits.  Click here for “I’m Really Scared That Rush Limbaugh Might Be a Homosexual.”)

The only possible answer is that the French loved their slaves the same way Thomas Jefferson did.  Not only did the Haitians mix their seed, they mixed it with the French and they even still speak French instead of English the way God intends.

Obama Offers Muslim Prayers for the Muslims in the Haiti Earthquake

January 13th, 2010

We all know that Glen Beck is right about Obama being a racist, and Sara Palin is right to question whether or not Obama is an American.  But I can tell you that all Muslims pray for is Jihad and converting infidels.  So if Obama is praying for the Haitians then he is only praying for the blacks and the Muslims.  What about all the white people in Haiti, or the Christians?  They get prayed for by Hillary Clinton, who worships Beelzebub.

Why can’t we have Condi Rice any more.  She is a good Christian and not a Satanist lesbian or a Kenyan Muslim.  Besides that, she is hot.

Wouldn’t that be a nice job.  I could look at Condi’s cooch all day long, but ever since that restraining order they won’t let me work at her gym any more.

The Haitians would be a lot better off with her, instead of those evil bastards we have now.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid Called the Congressional Black Caucus “Nappy Headed Hoes”

January 12th, 2010

I don’t know about you, but I find that highly racially insensitive.  It is time that we ignore the differences between the races and black people get satisfied with their station in life, just like the damn Mexicans have.  The Democrat party just thinks that they can stereotype people any time they want, but the hypocrites get all over our case every time we  endorse the Segregationists for president.

I Am Against Medical Marijuana, Except When It Is for That Crazy Chick That Is Always Hanging Around

November 2nd, 2009

I don’t know what the hell her problem is, but she is way easier to deal with when she’s stoned.  Fuck a bunch of kemotheraputic bullshit, I just want a little piece and quiet every once in a while.

I’ve Decided That TeeBagging May Not Be for Me

October 31st, 2009

In the first place, my name is Richard Timothy Bagges.  I am a good conservative man, and I am completely uninterested in TeeBagging.  I have been hassled by people my whole life over this bullshit.  I’ve heard it all.  “Dick T Baggs,  Richard and his T-Baggs; hey Dick, suck on these.”

According to Wikipedia, TeeBagging ” is a slang term for the act of a man placing his scrotum in the mouth or on or around the face (including the top of the head) of another person, often in a repeated in-and-out motion.”

Now this freak group shows up, a bunch of hillbillys, with no idea about the last election or what the hell TeeBagging is.  I swear, my conservative principles don’t involve the help.

I swear, where the hell is William Buckley Jr.  I am now known as Rich T. Bagges among these people that vote for us, but I’m not sure how much longer I can stand it.  They don’t make jokes about me because they don’t get the jokes.  I like it that these people help me make money, but damn, why don’t you guys organize these idiots.  Herding cats, my fucking ass. These people are zombies and they want to have TeeBagg Partys all over the place, disgusting.  These fucks are self loathing, uneducated, hillbilly fucks.  We know that they aren’t going to vote for the Democrat Party any way, if they vote at all, so why kiss their asses, or rub our scrotums on their faces.

The Reason I Like To Trim My Toenails Is So I Can Be Cloned By Aliens from the Future

October 19th, 2009

Trimming my toenails is a royal pain in the ass, but I have considered that it might be my only hope to be resurrected in the future.  If future cultures need resources then they will likely mine landfills.  The only shot I have at immortality may be the dump.

The International Atomic Energy Agency Has Stated That Iran Has the Intellectual Capacity to Create Nuclear Weapons, among Others

October 4th, 2009

I don’t know about you, but I find this report highly disturbing.  The Iranians know how to build a bomb.  We are not talking about a little bomb, but a big one.  The I.A.E.A. had some other warnings.  Apparently, those Persian Arab Muslims aren’t the only ones out to get us.

Apparently almost 100% of the Iowa State Astronomy Club’s members also know how to build an atomic weapon.  It is estimated that as many as 20% can also build intercontinental ballistic missiles, ICBM’s.  All of those questioned showed some advanced knowledge of rockets and/or atomic energy.

Huge numbers of medical professionals also are familiar with atomic energy.  In fact, many hospitals have been suspected of hoarding large amounts of radioactive materials for their secretive and clandestine purposes.  It is my understanding that they have all they need to do what ever they want, and many of them are “scientists.”

According to the I.A.E.A. the chick that checks out at Best Buy also knows how to build atomic weapons.  When I asked her about it she said, “I spend 6 damn years getting a master’s in engineering and I can build anything you want.  I can build ICBM’s.  I can build A-bombs.  I can build H-bombs.  I can build hydraulic systems from scratch with some machining tools.  I once fixed some dumb fuck’s transmission that was broke down in the parking lot with a role of duct tape, some solder I had in my pocket, and an arc welder I carry around in my trunk.  They gave me a job selling Ipods and stereo systems to fucking idiots for $7.95 an hour.  I wish someone would give me a job making bombs or just blow my fucking head off.”

I am extremely worried about the proliferation of bomb making knowledge, especially among the less balanced among us.

H. R. 3221 Is a Fucking Train Wreck About to Happen

October 3rd, 2009

This bill would save the government 87 billion dollars.  It would increase grants for college, decrease the interest rates of student loans, increase the amount of student loans, insure funding for student loans, and increase college preparatory education.  That sounds pretty good, right?  Wrong!

This bill would eliminate the massive subsidies that go to our private banking companies.  They need that money to support their enterprises and lifestyles.  The money paid to cover students’ interest, and to cover their defaults will be gone.  In other words, there will be risk associated with loaning students money, and we will no longer have guaranteed profits.  Instead of just giving us that money they intend to loan it to “students” and keep the pay off for themselves to use to loan more students money and increase their welfare to students.

How many times do I have to say that poor people can’t deal with money?  If poor people could deal with money then they wouldn’t be poor.

Furthermore, this is an income redistribution system that takes money from poor people and gives it to poor people rather than taking money from poor people and giving it to rich people.  Who is looking out for our children?  You know, my kids have lives too.  I don’t see why that money should go to people that live in squalor, when it could serve our interests much more effectively.

Massive student loan debt insures that no one from the lower castes can really ever get ahead.  Increased Pell Grants and lower interest loans will decrease debt and could even lead to many people taking careers outside of business, decreasing demand for our kind of jobs.

We do not need a bunch of educated poor people.  We do need yes men and managers.  If we educate the poor then we will not have a large group of people to drag down wages.  We need to leave things alone.  The government gives us shit loads of money.  Gay drunk frat boys do the shitty jobs for us.  And the poor insure that we don’t have to pay too much for the the rest of the help.  H. R. 3221 could screw all of this up.